As I was scrolling down through my Facebook homepage, I noticed a post from an old friend. Someone I’ve always admired. Someone I’ve always envied. She is comfortable in her skin. She’s funny. She’s a good dancer. She knows how to enjoy herself. Guys chase her all the time; or at least that’s how it seems like. I couldn’t help but click on her profile. We’d lost touch after I decided not to pursue a PhD and rejected my offer of admission. A part of me always wanted to be close friends with her. As I was looking at her pictures, one caught my attention. It was a recent picture in which she was surrounded by a couple of girls and a bunch of guys and they seemed like they were having a blast. Everybody in the picture except for her seemed like the type I’d be intimidated by. And there she was standing in the middle of the crowd, accepted by them looking so simple; wearing a dress I would have dressed and putting on a make-up I would have put on. But I can say with certainty I wouldn’t have been accepted like she was. Suddenly I recalled how I felt the same ways towards those who seemed to be Tehran’s elite all along college years. I realized how I had brought the same mentality thousands of miles away here with me; and the result was me avoiding the Iranian community at all costs. Maybe that’s why I felt related to Daniel Humphree from Gossip Girl. Maybe I’m just an outsider like him.
January 5, 2014